Feb 25, 2008

What Exactly Is A Bohemian?

I almost forgot how to breath when I saw a book in Powerbooks. The early part of the day made me depressed. The traffic jam was so terrible that we made an instantaneous u-turn and head for the mall instead of the beach. The farm boys I was with were harrassed by the Bibo! guard for looking like a "farm boy" in supposedly class A(?) playground. My companion lost her wits and name-dropped the franchisee owner of the establishment who happened to be her friend and the guard cowered like a lamb showering us with apology.

The food tasted bland and my head aches from too much noise and hypocrisy, duplicity and madness without cause. Then I found Bohemian Manifesto by Laren Stover. I thought I died when I saw the 4 digit price of the book! Grrr!!! So I sit comfortably in the sofa and read until the bookstore announced that they are closing and would I please go out. Hahahaha!!! Believe me, I read the book from cover to cover because I can't afford it. It speak so much of me that when I went out of the bookstore my depression is gone but my heart broken from the thought that the book won't sleep with me in my bed even for just a night.




DEFINING BOHEMIA
A DIAGNOSIS

"Who am I? I'm a poet. My business? Writing.
How do I live? I live.
In my happy poverty I squander like a prince,
my poems and songs of love.
In hopes and dreams and castles-in-air,
I'm a millionaire in spirit."

—Rodolfo, La Bohème


So, what exactly is a Bohemian? Technically, a Bohemian is a person hailing from that province of the Czech Republic or a gypsy type leading a vagabond life reading palms and tarot cards and playing strange music around the campfire with a dancing bear. The Bohemia of this book is about living beyond convention. Bohemia is an atmosphere, a way of life, a state of mind. Henry Murger, who wrote about himself and all his starving-artist friends, put the word Bohemian into mainstream language in 1849 when his play La Vie de Bohème went up in Paris. He gave a label to the eccentric and socially unorthodox. Poets, painters, absinthe drinkers, dandies on the fringe—any oddball qualified.

Bohemian living or consciousness, if you will, has always been provocative. There's just something about the freedom, recklessness, scandal, artistic vision and spiritual splendor that makes it tantalizingly worthy of membership. Bohemianism is not a trend, it's a timeless movement, a way of life both fleeting and enduring that reappears every now and then as a backlash against our bourgeois, mass market, easy access culture. Bohemianism doesn't always steal the headlines. Bohemianism may be big and shocking but it may also be personal and subterranean, with quiet defiances. Bohemianism slips into our bedroom and makes a personal appearance in our dreams, sits next to us while we're in a car and whispers detours, Bohemianism is the stranger pouring stars and galaxies into our morning beverage while we watch the cat lick its paws, and it's the compulsion we have to pick up a piece of paper on the street and promise ourselves that what's written on it will be the first sentence of our next novel or the name of the yoga center or bar we're opening. Bohemianism is more than an attitude. It's the apolitical freedom of ideas, clothing and behaviors gently outside the norm. It's an elixir of undisclosed ingredients, a strange, bootleg perfume, it's the psychic, globally warmed truth serum the government wants to ban, it's the holy water of the unconscious mind, and once anointed, the underground gold mine of ideas blossoms and bleeds into the open air without self-consciousness, without reproach, without judgment.

Bohemians defy exact definition because they are essentially errant spirits. Bohemians are society's outlaws—mavericks, vagabonds, mad scientists, gypsies, theater people, artists, deviants, radicals, outsiders. They are, in essence, all one clan.
Bohemians transform, mutating and evolving from Dandy to Beat to Flower Child per the prevailing zeitgeist.

You know them when you see them:

She wears velvet in the rain.

He dances with pigeons and does magic tricks in the bookstore cafe.

They walk from Nice to Florence and have a child named Sienna.

They drive a school bus, despite the parking challenges . . . and eat porridge while drinking Languedoc.

They wear contrarianism more liberally than ordinary mortals wear polyester.

You see them selling hand-knit hats to tourists on the streets of SoHo, heading to Veselka coffee shop in the East Village at noon for a morning coffee, wearing Value Village as if it were Yohji Yamamoto, reading Gertrude Stein, dressed like George Sand at cafés in the Butte aux Cailles, safe from tourist buses since it's in the thirteenth arrondissement, listening to jazz at Les Instants Chavirés in Paris, hiking in a fedora in Katmandu, doing performance art in Williamsburg, moving into a new space in the Tenderloin district in San Francisco because they find North Beach too cliché, on their third pint at a tavern talking about the creation of the universe and the six months they spent in the rain forest and the miracle drug they found growing at the roots of a particular type of tree and by the way it gets you high, sipping free wine in plastic cups at art galleries as artist, collector and muse, reading poetry in bookstores in Berlin, modeling for nude photographs in a cemetery in Prague and scavenging junk shops by bus for vintage furniture later sold to antique dealers to keep themselves in absinthe.

Bohemians may get on your nerves, but even when they appear to be idle, down-and-out, opinionated Slackers, they're stirring things up. Bohemians are the ultimate elitists. They want to run things. They break the rules, set the trends, knit the knits, destroy the art and reinvent the art that everyone wants, or will want. Bohemians start movements. Bohemians change thinking. Bohemians stay up all night talking, and sometimes they write manifestos. Bohemians cross cultures and integrate mantras, philosophies, substances and clothing seamlessly into everyday life. Bohemians tenderly and violently create new work and change paradigms. Bohemians change the world.

Copyright © 2004 by Laren Stover

Gosh! More about this book when I'll get cash!

Feb 18, 2008

A Rose That Is Vanessa

She was a seatmate in 6th grade. Before that I never know what we were. All I know is that after we became seatmates, she has always been there for me...

She was there in almost all the major blows I encountered. She reminds me of the poem "Footprints On The Sand". Not that I equate her with God. It's just that during the most turbulent periods in my life where life was brutally unfair, she was there. Always. On the contrary, I was never there for her when she needed me. I was always the late-comer. I always arrived when the storm in her life has passed.

She cried as much as I did in the summer of '92. We never spoke about my pain but I know she felt it each time I browse our family album and saw her picture with ultra-red eyes from too much crying. She was there but I never realized it then.

For me, our friendship started when an astounding blow hit me one day. I was as shock as everyone else that nobody dared to talk to me and I never uttered a single word to anyone. I head for the convent ( a place nearby we used as a play ground) wishing to be alone but she followed. We sat meters apart without uttering a single word for a long time until she moved closer, put her hands on my shoulder and make me lean on hers. I sobbed while she cried. Words were useless. She was there and I will always cherish that moment.

Many blows after that and she was always there. While I never knew her own struggles I think she made it her business to know mine. And she'd arrive at the most opportune time. More than a year ago, she held my hand gently as we walked towards the restaurant when the news of my latest blow came in. Then a realization hit me, how come she is always there for me? We talked until dawn as I tried to appear strong and unaffected about the bad news. In the morning, she knocked at our hotel room with a bag full of dvd copy of movies that would interest me. She made me promise to watch those movies. I guess she sensed that depression will set in the next few days and those movies are good tactical diversion.

My heart is overflowing with gratitude to someone who sent me Vanessa. I always said that the greatest gift I received in this lifetime is my family and friends. And Vanessa is one of the best gifts I ever had in my life. I am lucky. But I don't know if she is as lucky as I am.

Happy birthday, Friend. Please allow me to publish this tribute to you to honor you and the friendship we both hold sacred. Sorry if you have to travel overseas just to be with me on my own birthday two weeks from now in one of the world's most beautiful island. See you soon.



SOMEDAY
By: Sugar Ray

Someday
When my life has passed me by
I'll lay around and wonder why you were always there for me
One way
In the eyes of a passerby
I'll look around for another try
And'll fade away

[Chorus]

Just close your eyes and I'll take you there
This place is war without a care
We'll take a swim in the deep blue sea
I go to leave as you reach for me
Some say
Better things will come our way
No matter what they try to say you were always there for me
Someway
When the sun begins to shine
I hear a song from another time
And'll fade away
And'll fade away

[Chorus]

So far, so long, so far away
So far, so long, so far away (away, away)
Someday
When my life has passed me by
I'll lay around and wonder why you were always there for me
One way
In the eyes of a passerby
I'll look around for another try
And'll fade away
And'll fade away
And'll fade away
And'll fade away
And'll fade away
And'll fade away
(someday)
And'll fade away

Feb 14, 2008

Happy Hearts

Thank you

- for never doubting my motives and intentions

- for understanding my fears

- for tolerating my stupidity and idiosyncracies

- for never giving up on me

- for giving me space when I needed it

- for respecting my privacy and holding it almost in sanctity

- for seeing me in your future

- for making me a part of you


Thank you for making my heart happy.

Pre-Valentine Treat

MORNING

I was watching a movie from a very big tv screen in the waiting lounge of a hospital's laboratory when a man I almost hated sat at the bench next to where I was. It was such a hard work containing my patience because my feet were screaming to kick his butt in public. I put on a very straight face and thought 'vengeance has it's own time'. My day started badly.

AFTERNOON

I roamed around the National Bookstore trying to kill the time while waiting for the result of the lab tests. I found it rather funny because the month's bestseller is El Amor En Los Tiempos Del Colera ( Love In The Time of Cholera) a book authored by my best drinking buddy Gabriel Garcia Marquez. This book was published in 1988 and the copy I have is a First Vintage International Edition dated October 2003. On how it became a National Bookstore bestseller 10 years after it was first published is puzzling. This book was even featured in the movie Serendipity, remember? It breaks my heart to know that even in literature, the Philippines is a decade or so behind.

My affair with Gabriel Garcia Marquez first began in One Hundred Years of Solitude. Being an unnatural extrovert, I picked up the book because the word "solitude" appeals to me. The phrase "100 years" was even more appealing that I was convinced I'd spend the next 100 years of my life in hell and another hundred in purgatory if I fail to read the book. Then his autobiography followed after which I committed myself fully in the disposal of Gabriel Garcia Marquez as long as I live. Cholera or no cholera.

EVENING

I was on a rush trying to avoid the people who went mad over the next day's affair. I boarded a taxi and for the first time in my life seated beside the driver who only slowed down as I entered the cab. I was drenched in rain and as soon as I finished wiping myself a fast moving pick up overtook us, made a sudden halting screech and our cab kissed its bumper all broken and cracked. The drunk driver of the pick up went out and hurled expletives at my driver. I went out amidst the rain, checked myself intact and complete, hailed another taxi and wondered how my day will end.

TWILIGHT

I found myself in a vacated open field. The quarter moon was showing and the stars were twinkling gorgeously. Up at the back of (another) pick up truck were lively strumming of country folk songs in guitar. Cowboy hats and mud boots were scattered all over, the horses gallopping freely in the muddy race tracks, the air was cold and beneath us were the city lights in all its grandeur and magnificence.

When the cold was no longer bearable, everyone left except me and three others. Our adrenaline were still rushing like fools that we ended in race track trying to hurdle the obstacle using not horses but a beast called pajero. We rode through the mud, negotiated blind curves at devil's speed our shouting and screaming heard by no one but the crickets. The joy and excitement in our faces seen only by the quarter moon.

The memory is lovely. And I want the world to know.

Feb 11, 2008

Yami Decides To Die

I woke up feeling a familiar pain. My mind rushed in panic as I lay on my back afraid to increase my suffering by any slight movement. My head was throbbing maniacally in pain, my stomach felt hollow making me nauseaus and my spinal column is numb and unfeeling.

I stared at the ceiling silently and for a moment was disoriented trying to recall where I was. The dim light from the lamp shade at the corner of the room brought me to full consciousness. I'm still in my friend's farm communing with horses and their dung, full moons and fresh air, enjoying the silence, latin music and my solitude.

I reached for the phone beside me realizing in horror that I needed help but changed my mind when my hand was in mid-air. It was such a bad idea to raise the alarm at three in the morning. Few hours to dawn... I could last that long...

Unmoving, I went back to staring at the ceiling. The last time I felt the pain was a litte less than a decade ago. Severe headache, nausea and vomiting, double vision, paralysis on one side of my face and good deal many others I can't now exactly recall. When my CT Scan and MRI's result came in, the doctors found a tumor somewhere in my pretty head and decided for a surgery that lasted more than seven hours. My family and my best friend were in my bedside and we celebrated Christmas together in my hospital room with my head wrapped in bandage as if it was God's gift to my family and my arm attached to a tube through a needle inserted in my vein as if trying to reassure my family that I was not going anywhere.

Our Christmas in 1998 was both merry and hopeful. While I got to get a new lease on life, our family overcame yet another major blow. Five years earlier, my father suddenly died of heart attack and our loss was too big it seemed there was no way of letting go. The void was just too big to fill. Imagine my family's anxiety and fear when another member's life is threatened. I cannot fully account how we faced our angers and fears during that time. But individually, it made us better and stronger persons. Collectively, it strengthened the tie that binds us as a family. Spiritually, God became our pillar, our strength, our hope.

After the surgery, my life changed drastically. The surgery left me handicapped for the rest of my life (although, my impairment is not obvious, in fact only my family knows about it and some of my closest friends suspect it!), my movements and activity were limited, my diet is restricted plus, I needed to get my monthly lifetime shots of Penador to keep my heart from being invaded by bacteria. I was diagnosed with RHD when I was 18.

For years I lived a boring patient's life until the day I decided to live my life the way I wanted to. First, I stopped my monthly injections. I enrolled in a gym, lifted weights, climbed mountains and walls, swim, snorkel and dive. I ate with gusto in every fine dining restaurants I can afford, I lined in fast foods and ate in sidewalks. I drink every single drop of edible liquids hard or soft. I attended at least 5 colleges and universities that sometimes I'd think these schools will fight on who got the claim as my Alma Mater should I become as accomplished as Hilary Clinton or as successful as Frank McCourt! Hahahahaha! As if my time is running out, I juggled two different jobs while I attended law school at night. I was suicidal. I am free. I am alive.

I realized that part of being alive is to defy the law of gravity, to ignore the law of supply and demand, to forget the norms. My life started when I pursue happiness. In the pursuit of happiness, my heart takes the lead role, not science, not culture, not social norms.

My symptoms are back after a little less than a decade since it disappeared. This time it's worse. I tended to confuse faces with names, I slur frequently than before, my right hands shakes involuntarily from time to time. All these I noticed as I lay on my back feeling the severe pain on my head. In the dark, I crawled in search of my medicines. I sighed as I gulped it and realized I haven't been taking meds for years now.

As soon as my meds were doing its work, I felt my strength draining out of me. In the last moments that I was awake, I smiled and said to myself: "As soon as the dawn is over, I'll make myself a steamy and creamy coffee and read the day's newspapers with latin music playing...."

About the title? I really decided to die - 100 years from now. Between now and the last day of the one hundred years? My good friend up above will make the decision for me. If He can't make up His mind after 100 years from now, I'll take the matter in my hands. Good deal.

Today is Our Lady of Lourdes Feast Day. I couldn't thank Her good enough for keeping my health well all these years.